


A Moment to Deliberate

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Romance, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tried to backtrack but it was useless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Moment to Deliberate

**Author's Note:**

> I took it back to the beginning for this pairing…my beginning anyway. This is for the prompt **turning point** and has spoilers for In Birth and Death.  The title comes from the Alanis Morissette song, _Uninvited_.

She was gone. He did not need to do a frantic search all over the house; he knew as soon as he opened the front door. There was no note, no goodbye, just emptiness. It was in the pit of his stomach and all over the house that she picked out. Sinking into one of the living room chairs, he pressed six on his cell phone and listened to it ring. It was then Hotch realized it was late; maybe she was already in bed. He needed to make sure Jack was alright though. He would not be able to sleep tonight without knowing his son was alright.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hi Meg.”

 

“Hello Aaron.”

 

“Is Haley there?”

 

“Why didn’t you call her?”

 

“I'm probably the last person she wants to talk to right now. I had a long few days and a long flight home. Is Jack alright?”

 

“Sound asleep. He’s just fine.”

 

“Does he understand what’s happening?”

 

“Do you understand what’s happening?” Meg asked.

 

“It’s sinking in. I just need to know that my son is OK.”

 

“He thinks he’s visiting Grandma; I doubt Haley told him the truth. Why don’t you come by tomorrow and see him? You two are going to have to talk eventually.”

 

“I hardly know what to say.” Hotch’s voice caught and he knew it was time to end the call. “I have to go.”

 

“Alright. I hope to see you tomorrow.”

 

“Kiss Jack for me; let him know that I love him.”

 

“Of course. Goodnight Aaron.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

He didn’t know how long he sat there in the lamplight. What the hell was happening? Jason was missing, Prentiss quit, and Haley left him. Was someone about to jump out at his closet and shout that he was on Candid Camera? This couldn’t be more than a sick joke. How did his life go from zero to completely fucking upside down in a matter of moments? 

 

Again he pressed a button in his cell phone and listened to it ring. Before there was an answer, he hung up. What was he doing? He needed to sleep, needed to try to figure out what his next move was going to be. His wife was gone, his marriage in shambles. Would she come back? The answer to that was no if he did not leave the BAU. 

 

How could he give up what he loved? Hotch knew he asked Haley to sacrifice a lot, he had done the same, but what was he if not catching the bad guys?  Had she been right? Did he have some hero complex? Couldn’t he be content at a desk somewhere, coming home at night to his family?

 

It was more than that though. Something had been off for sometime and while he did not like to think he was ignoring it, Hotch had been busy. There were late night phone calls; times he would catch Haley doing something and she tried to hide it. Jack was staying at his grandmother’s more than he ever had before. Whenever they talked they argued; Haley had no problem telling him all the ways he could be a better husband to her. What about being a better wife? 

 

God, he needed to stop thinking about this. It was going to get him nowhere tonight. The ring of his cell phone caught him off guard. He looked at the Blackberry display, thought of not answering it at all.

 

“Aaron Hotchner.”

 

“You called me?”

 

“I…”

 

“Please don’t tell me I have to go out again. I just got out of the shower and all I want is a drink and whatever is on TCM.”

 

“Would you like company?”

 

“What?” Emily Prentiss asked.

 

“Would you like some company?” Hotch repeated.

 

“Hotch…”

 

“I'm sorry. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I'm sorry, I should just…”

 

“What's going on?”

 

“Nothing. I have to go.”

 

“Don’t hang up. Please.”

 

He was so quiet for a while, Emily was sure he was gone. She took a deep breath.

 

“Hotch? Hotch, are you there?”

 

“I'm here.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind your company. How do you feel about a nice Pinot Grigio?”

 

“I would much rather have Jack Daniels.” Hotch replied.

 

“I have that too.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, the bottle is sitting on the counter…I'm looking right at it.”

 

“Emily…”

 

“I don’t know what's going on but I know that you called me. I'm here, and if you don’t show up tonight then I understand. If you do, I have classic films and brown liquor. I have a shoulder and an ear.”

 

“I don't know what else to do.” He said.

 

“I think I've been there before. Just recently actually.”

 

“Yeah. I'm going to hang up now.”

 

“Goodnight Hotch.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Why? Why had he called her? She didn’t need the burden of all of this. Why did he think talking to her was a good idea anyway? Of all the members on the team, he knew her the least. Well, that wasn’t true. They knew of each other in the past and he found himself wanting to get to know Emily Prentiss better without really knowing how. 

 

Their relationship was still so formal, when he showed up at her condo a few nights before it was an awkward moment for them both. Actually, it was awkward and easy at the same time. Oh to hell with it. Hotch grabbed his car keys, took one more look at the empty lower level from of house, and walked out the door.

 

***

 

When Hotch woke up, he heard the rain and didn’t see the sun. He had no idea what time it was. Lifting his heavy arm to look at his watch, he was surprised that it was no longer on his wrist. His eyelids were closing again; he almost seemed to be passing out. Turning onto his side, Hotch took the blanket covering him and practically threw it over his head. Nothing made sense but he would have to deal with that when he was more capable. Something inside told him that he was safe, even if he was not exactly sure where he was. The driving rain outside lulled him back into black, dreamless sleep.

 

000

 

It was still dark outside, raining but not as hard. Hotch stretched out his long body, groaning as his muscles tensed and popped. He sat up rather quickly, surprised to see someone else there. Her back was to him, she stood by the kitchen counter. A quick survey of the room caused him to remember where he was and what happened. 

 

Hotch slept on Emily Prentiss’ couch last night. He had too much to drink, sang songs from _Pirates of Penzance_ and made a pass at her. Dear Lord, he made a pass at Emily Prentiss. He was a married man…he was her boss. She must have been mortified; he was mortified. Picking up his watch from the glass coffee table and slipping it on, Hotch saw it was quarter to nine.

 

He turned his head, wincing in pain. His brain felt too big for his skull; his whole head seemed to weigh 25 pounds. That didn’t stop the smile when he saw her start dancing in the kitchen. The music sounded far away in his clouded ears but _Heart of Glass_ was still recognizable. Prentiss’ hip shake took Hotch’s mind to a very dirty place. He tried to backtrack but it was useless. What was happening to him? He was a married man; thoughts of that nature were only for his wife. Except that his wife was gone.

 

Haley walked out and Emily Prentiss opened her door to him without question. She shared her good whiskey and sang off key right along with him to Gilbert and Sullivan. And when he kissed her…oh boy. She didn’t push him away or slap his face. Actually, he remembered how her body pressed against his. Her heart beat so quickly. He pulled away, mumbling, apologetic, and she did her best to reassure. 

 

The second kiss got her up from the couch. Hotch appreciated the distance as the scent of her body wash was driving him crazy. He was suddenly hungry for her and could barely control himself. Emily went to the hall closet, returned with a pillow and blanket, and said a quick goodnight. Hotch was sure that what he’d just done would keep him up in a state of paranoia until he ran from her house and never looked her in the face again. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

 

“Good morning.” he spoke quietly mostly for his own benefit.

 

Emily reached to turn down the music. Against his will, Hotch admired her physique in grey lounge shorts and a Yale University tee shirt that gave him a peek at her naked back. Perhaps that peek was a figment of his imagination…he could not claim to be in his right mind.

 

“You're alive.” Emily smiled. Hotch could see in her eyes as well as her body language that she was tense and unsure. He never wanted her to feel that way around him but since the feeling was mutual right now, he would go with it.

 

“That’s one opinion.” He sat on one of the stools at the counter. “How are you so active?”

 

“You drank much more than I did, Hotch. You need something in your stomach.”

 

He waved away the thought of food. Spending the rest of the day sick was not ideal. He still needed to get a grip on the tattered remnants of his life. He needed to hug his son and find out where the hell Jason was. Sometimes there was little or no cell phone service at the cabin…that had to be it. And of course, there was Emily. 

 

What had he been thinking? Hotch wasn’t thinking, he was feeling. He felt this intense, overwhelming need to connect with someone. He needed to connect with her. If he was honest with himself, it was not the first time he felt it. He assured himself that it was alright; married men weren’t necessarily dead men. They noticed attractive women. He went home at night to Haley and Emily mostly kept her distance from him. He watched her bond with the team but their relationship remained superficial at best. Of course, she was his subordinate. 

 

No, Hotch hated thinking like that. While it was true in the literal sense, the team was like links in a chain…the Fleetwood Mac song.  _You can never break the chain_. They were all closer than family, at least to Hotch. He was ready constantly to go to the mat for all of them. Perhaps no one else felt that way but he did. So getting ideas in his head about his “kid sister” was a very, very bad idea. It would have to leave his system with the alcohol.

 

“I have a surefire cure for a hangover.” Prentiss replied, ignoring his protests.

 

“Please just let me curl up and die. Have pity on me, Emily.”

 

“Calm down, Scarlett O’ Hara.” Emily laughed. It was sweet and melodic but Hotch could hear the hollow in the middle.

 

“Emily, about last night; I need to apologize for…”

 

“No you don’t. You were drunk.”

 

“I was drunk.” He said it at the same time she did. “Yeah.”

 

“When a friend is in need, he gets wasted and does something dumb, you give him a pass.”

 

“What about when he does it twice?” Hotch asked. 

 

  
_You wonder if he might be feeling what you might be feeling and you curse your inability to fall for men who are actually emotional available_. Emily smiled; she was so not saying that aloud.

 

“You obviously needed to blow off steam last night.” She poured a large cup of coffee and put bread in the toaster.

 

“You're more than steam Emily…you should know that.”

 

“I don’t know what's happening with you and you certainly aren’t required to tell me. I just hope…”

 

“Haley left me.”

 

“Oh my God.” Emily Prentiss actually gasped. Her hand immediately fell over his. Hotch appreciated the sentiment.

 

“I want to say I saw it coming but…” he sighed. “We were having problems. We weren’t perfect.”

 

“I thought…nevermind.”

 

“What?”

 

The toaster popped up, saving Emily from having to explain herself. She had seen chinks in the famous Hotchner armor for months. It was not her place to say anything. He never sought Emily’s opinion and she remembered what happened the last time she asked Hotch something that he deemed none of her business.

 

“I have to eat this?” he asked, turning his nose up at the dry rye toast.

 

“Eat it, drink the coffee, take these,” she put two Advil on the counter. “And you'll feel like a new man.”

 

“That might not be too bad.” Hotch mumbled as he sipped the black coffee.

 

“Is Jack alright?” Emily asked.

 

“He is with his grandmother. I need to see him after I have a long shower. Then I have to find Jason; his cell phone keeps going to voicemail.”

 

Emily nodded. She sat down with her own cup of coffee but didn’t say anything else. So many things were on the tip of her tongue…she swallowed them with coffee nearly too hot to drink.

 

“You're quiet.” He said.

 

“What is there to say?”

 

_“I am the very model of a modern major general,_

_“I've information, vegetable, animal, and mineral,_

_“I know the Kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,_

_“From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;”_

 

Despite herself, Emily burst into laughter. It was contagious and soon Hotch was laughing too. That was exactly what happened last night; he was graced with the graceless beauty of her real laughter. The feeling that life had just given him a hard kick in the nuts subsided for a moment and he appreciated it.

 

“I need to go.” He said after the giggling fit.

 

Emily nodded. She wouldn’t bitch at him for leaving half a piece of toast. He finished his coffee and took his pills. They walked together to the door. Hotch went back to the living room for his tie and jacket. He also slipped on his shoes. Almost leaving barefoot, considering the weather, caused more laughter. This time it was nervous.

 

“I really don’t want this to be awkward. I mean, God, its bound to be awkward but I hate for it to be. Last night was nice, despite the circumstances, which I didn’t know at the time. I'm glad I could…”

 

With a smile, Hotch put his finger over her lips. Never before had he seen her so flustered. It was probably the cutest thing ever. Almost instinctually, she pulled his finger into his mouth. Hotch gasped and the Earth stilled. Emily’s hand remained on the doorknob. Hotch’s other hand clenched in a fist, begging for the strength not to tear her clothes off right where they stood. Emily nearly spit it out, opening her door.

 

“You need to go now.” it came out a little rougher than she wanted but that was probably better.

 

“Goodbye. Last night might have saved my life. Words…”

 

“You don't need them.” Emily shook her head.

 

“I don’t with you, do I?”

 

She did not reply and Hotch walked out. There was no need to make things crazier than they already were. He just added the name Prentiss to the mental list of things he needed to address. It would probably be awkward for a while but something in his twisted gut and clearing mind told him that it would be more energizing than what he was about to face with Haley and Jason.

 

***


End file.
